[Spam] Impeached At Birth? In Dapper We Truss? Do You Wanna CP?
Day 3,175, 09:15
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Karacticus
Impeach the Heathen Appleby!
Hello fellow citizens of the dearly departed eUK.
It would appear that the tyrant CP Humpty Applewee has done a bunk. Reports are suggesting that a large chunk of the eUK has also gone with him.
"Maybe he's in here"
With the CP nowhere to be found one man has stepped forward to clear up this mess.
Prince Harry Full Stop has written another awe inspiring article which gets to the heart of the matter. Our Prince is calling for the people who run this country to step forward and oust our "cowardly" CP.
An artists impression of Appleby
Dear reader we must now all rally round our monitors and manfully click and type in order to save our beloved eWorld. Only the brave will survive...this online browser based game...of limited appeal...which requires very little skill to play...yeah...
Lest we forget that there is more to life than going outside and socially engaging with people.
The Truss is still active, however, as we are now moving into the end times it is time to bring forward our agenda.
DO YOU WANNA CP?
Imagine the bold text is a fancy graphic.
We here at the Truss have decided to run an X-Factor style competition to look for the next CP of what's left of the country.
THE WINNER WILL RECIEVE THE BACKING OF EVERY CITIZEN OF THE eUK AND A WEEKLY SALARY OF 1000GBP and 1GOLD.
To take part simply answer the following questions in the comments section below:
1) Are you trustworthy?
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
3) Do you have a job?
4) Are you a social outcast?
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
The Truss Committee will then decide which two candidates are the best.
They will then fight it out.
In the absence of cold custard they will be required to publish one article each on a topic of the Committee's choosing.
The winner will then be announced and we will all vote for he/she.
If you have any ideas or dreams that others have called "stupid","ridiculous","a pile of steaming horse poo" and are not a boring bugger then send your ideas to the The Horice G Fossil Truss.
We'll then put your ideas to the committee and see if we can help.
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If I get 20 votes a kitten will live.
1. No
2. No
3. Yes
4. Yes
5. Just like me, they long to be, close to you
But I don't wanna be CP, I wanna be the big D.
1) Are you trustworthy?
No, I just must admit I recently stole a tube of shuttlecocks in real life. My friend asked "Why didn't you just ask if you could borrow them." I said, "I never even thought of that."
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
Wait a minute
3) Do you have a job?
Is this some sort of dating application
4) Are you a social outcast?
I have PTSD from playing too much bingo
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Due to my aggressively pungent odour
1) Are you trustworthy?
"The only leading candidate who hasn't stolen the treasury" - Fataliix 2016
But I'm willing to change.
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
Yes, my long lost Nigerian cousin is a prince, and I will in 5 working days when the payment of 500 pounds to him goes through and he can give me my inheritance.
3) Do you have a job?
Always
4) Are you a social outcast?
Nipples
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
I'm a chick magnate
1) Are you trustworthy?
I can't decide which answer out of yes or no the committee actually wants, so to cover all bases I'm going to say "I can be", which should please the people who want me to be that and the people who don't want me to be that. These sorts of skills at pleasing everybody obviously mean I will be the perfect CP.
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
I feel like "lots" is relative. I'm sure my £2 is a lot to somebody... in Ethiopia.
3) Do you have a job?
What job do presidents normally have... ah of course
My dad was a stock broker sooo.....
4) Are you a social outcast?
I thought it was a given that everybody who plays this is a social outcast.
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
My bumhole smells of bird sex pheromones.
1) Are you trustworthy?
I assume this is a typo; yes, I am most certainly worthy of a truss.
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
More than that, I have *all* of my own money.
3) Do you have a job?
Yes, I have a big job every morning just before I get up.
4) Are you a social outcast?
No, I am an anti-social outcast.
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Because it's either birds or bunny rabbits and birds quickly fly away and shit on everyone else's cars/heads/statues of Lord Nelson whereas rabbits would stay nearby quivering with fear and shit all over my shoes and I'd have to clean them.
1) Are you trustworthy? Lol nah
2) Do you have lots of your own money? I have twenty quid RL savings mate
3) Do you have a job? Yes rude
4) Are you a social outcast? You mean like the rapper?
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like you, they long to do, things to me
Shake it like a polaroid picture!
1) Are you trustworthy?
That's what I tell myself
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
No but I have lots of the governments money in my account.
3) Do you have a job?
Pokémon Trainer
4) Are you a social outcast?
Are you asking if I play eRepublik? Yes
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
I'm sexy
1) Are you trustworthy?
- I only trust myself, so if you ask me about me, from that angle the answer is yes.
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
- There is never enough money...
3) Do you have a job?
- I'm an immigrant, not a Brit, so of course I do.
4) Are you a social outcast?
- I am very misunderstood.
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
- I like ducks.
1 Yes
2 Yes
3 Yes
4 Yes
5 They long to be close to me
1) Are you trustworthy?
I've never stolen the eUK treasury. Does that count?
2) Do you have lots of your own money?
In game self-sufficient and outside I do since I stopped buying gold numerous years ago.
3) Do you have a job?
I have a job but "work" is debatable.
4) Are you a social outcast?
Of course....
5) Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
I breed homing pigeons. I'd be rubbish at my job if they didn't suddenly reappear....
1) I used to be, however I know pick pockets to fund my drinking.
2) No, gave it all away along with my second best truss. I now steal pocket watches to buy scotch.
3) I teach classical recorder to deprived fishmongers everyother Wednesday afternoon in my local pub.
4) I never leave the snug here in the Duck and Ferkin, so I can't really answer this?
5) I have a millet waistcoat and bacon rind boot laces.
Horice 🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓
funny article