Join the new world

Well e-Joke Day 3 [Plato Strikes Back] has officially finished here is a collection of every joke i told along with everyone you fired at me which I screenied. I will be offering prizes for the best ones I heard in my next article

Also WALL OF JOKES ALERT because apparently walls of jokes are 15% better than walls of text

Also bonus pics at the bottom

1. I recently read great expectations …. it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
2. My girlfriend is a porn star.
She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
3. My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared "You don't have enough badges to control me!"
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
4. Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
5. On the label it says "Please drink responsibly."
Well, I've got my seatbelt on..
//////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////
6. Why does lieutenant uhura smell so bad
because william shatner.
/////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////
7. Whenever someone hands me a flyer it’s like them saying ‘here, you throw this away’.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////
8. Bacon incense: For when you really want to punish someone for their drunken night out

THERE’S BACON! awwww
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
9. I’m a heroine addict; I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
10. What concerns me is that one day i’ll wind up an old man

and he’ll attack me
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
11. I had a job as one of those sampling guys in a supermarket

I was asked to leave though, after the little cups of bleach incident.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
12. Robin Thicke goes to order a burger, but there’s a family of ducks in front of him taking forever to order. He hates these bird lines.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
13. I just took a priests exam and i got an A….men
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
14. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
15. I’m 6 foot 3 inches
6 feet tall 3 inches long

if any girls are reading this possibly being put off don’t worry it’s just a joke
3 inches is very optimistic
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
16. I hate all this nudity on tv nowadays, sometimes I literally sit there shaking my fist at the screen.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
17. I’m not an expert on masturbation but i certainly hold my own
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
18. A lot of my jokes I tell are self deprecating although i’m not very good at them.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
19. How do you kill a circus?
go for the juggler
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
20. Justin Bieber got caught doing 50 in his Lamborghini..

Mr Cent was unavailable for comment.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
21. I’m going to make a show about 3 surfers and a shark.
I’ll call it two and a half men.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
22. When I was young I had this disease where I’d have to eat worms 3 times a day or I’d die.

It was lucky my big brother told me about it really.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////
23. I’m a bit of a ladies man.
No matter how clearly the gents are sign posted.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////
24. Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It’s not hard.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////
26. There were a couple girls banging on my bedroom door all last night. *smirk*
but I didn’t let them out.
/////////////////////////////////////
27. When I was younger my dad used to beat me with a camera. I still have flashbacks...and a really weird photo album.
/////////////////////////////////////////
28. I've spent two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer...
But no one will do it.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
29. I have the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo
///////////////////////////////////////////////
30. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
31. I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
//////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////
32. When I get my kids their first pet I plan to name it B#r4/gy3Es6 should make for a secure answer to their security question for the rest of their lives.
//////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////
33. I intend to live forever. So far so good.
///////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////
34. I don't wanna sound too big headed but... this hat is too small..
//////////////////////////////////////////////
35. What is yellow and lives off dead Beatles? Yoko Ono
////////////////////////////////////////////
36. Why did Tony the Tiger go to prison? RRRrrrrrrrrrrrape!
/////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////
37. Did you hear about the guy who won the anal sex competition? He actually came in the #2 spot.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
38. How can you spot the prostitute at the Miss America pageant? She's wearing a sash that says Idaho.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
39. What is Tom Hanks' wireless password? 1forrest1
////////////////////////////////////////////
40. What doesn't belong? Lobster, crab, tuna, or a Chinese man run over by a bus? Tuna. All others are crustaceans
///////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////
41. What is The Fonz's blood type? AAAAAAAAAAAA
/////////////////////////////////////////////
42. What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet? An elephant with diarrhea.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
43. Whats the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has dates.
//////////////////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////////
44. What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
45. Piracy is killing the music industry. You try playing the guitar with a hook.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////
46. I had a dream I was drowning in an orange soda. Turned out it was just a fanta sea.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
47. My girlfriend keeps saying she’s cold and needs me to warm her up. She’s going to be really happy with this fan heater i’m buying her for her birthday.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
48. People keep saying i’m sexist, but they’re all women so who cares.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
49. It’s a great feeling when you get a woman you’ve been chasing for…. miles.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
50. Accidentally pooped my pants in the lift today.
I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
51. I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
52. I hate when I walk into the classroom late and everyone stares at me like I just killed two people when I obviously killed seven.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
53. Every zoo is a petting zoo as long as you're not a pussy.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
54. It's always good to spread happiness, so smile at a stranger today.
Or flash them your boobs, strangers love boobs!
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
55. You guys really need to stop judging people that breastfeed in public. I can raise my puppy however I want.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
56. If i had a pound for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could have the coolest tree house ever!
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
57. Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier if my wardrobe wasn't so FABULOUS!
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
58. It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day", at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
59. When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me.

After a while, my mum said, "Just use a bloody spoon. You're not a Jedi."
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
60. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". '
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
61. Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
62. A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
63. People who like trance music are very persistent. They don't techno for an answer.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
64. I used to be in a very tidy rock band. OC/DC.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
WATERSHED
65. Q: What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
66.When we're having sex my girlfriend likes to pretend she's 14 which is weird because she has 3 more years to go.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
67. I once went down on a girl without knowing she was on her period. Boy was my face red.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
68. You know what gets me down? An extra chromosome
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
69. I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period. So I had to pull some strings.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
70. What's the difference between work and your sister. I will not be coming into work today.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
71. Whenever I dump a Japanese girl, they act like everything is fine.

It's like I have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
73. Roses are red,
Violets are Blue,
They'll need dental records
to identify you
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
74. I saw my teacher in porn once... it was especially weird because I'm homeschooled.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////
75.What does a Gynecologist and a Pizza Boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////
76. What does one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month
////////////////////////////////////////////////
77. A woman in America has had the largest ever boob job to increase her breasts to 38KKK. That is one dedicated racist.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
78. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?…Ba-na-na-naaa!
////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////
79. They say one in every four men is gay, so there must be one in my group of friends.
I hope it's Michael - he's super cute.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
80. I organised a threesome last night, there were a couple of no shows but i still had a good time.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////





bonus pics




Tic tac vote that 😁😁
Big mouth shout that Love you long time sub that >>>>>>
e-Joke Day 3 comment that \/\/\/\/