[GBM] Homage to Catalonia

Day 2,581, 13:32 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
Broadcasting live from the flame and rubble of the Iberian Peninsula
Here's some aged Mood Musik just for the occasion

Goodbye Blue Monday is committed to bringing the most up to date news to our subscriber, and in the interest of quality war reporting, have sent intrepid war reporter, Paul Proteus, to the front lines in order to bring news from the ground in war-torn Iberia, so without further ado:

"The Spaniards are good at many things,[citation needed] but not at making war...in Spain nothing, from a meal to a battle, ever happens at the appointed time." -George Orwell

Homage to Catalonia: A War-Reporter's Diary of The American Invasion of Iberia

Cantabria, Day 2,581

The dust has largely settled in what just yesterday was a dangerous battleground here in Cantabria, as American freedom forces routed a small contingent of what was either the Spanish army or just a group of confused Paella-salesmen who had stumbled upon the battleground.


Mmmm America

Though bombs can still be heard from nearby American drone strikes, I have been assured by the American Military High Command that Cantabria is now safe and under control.

Reduced to rubble, American soldiers have visibly gained control of the roads, and an American flag flies in place of the Spanish dish-rags previously hoisted above the schools and government buildings.

What most surprised me was the state of the conquered peoples. While many cowered and sniveled in the streets, there were many who welcomed the Americans as liberators. It becomes obvious while walking through the streets and observing the locals that there are not only Double-Spaniards in the Iberian Peninsula, but victims as well. That's right, I have discovered the noble Catalan. Rahl has written on the virtuous nature of these oppressed people, forced to endure for years in the accursed nature of Spain. It is for this reason, I was told by brave American soldiers, serving for Dio and country, that we have officially declared these devious foes as our natural enemy. We fight as America has always fought, for freedom, for truth, and for liberty, for the dignity of all men of good character.


The walls had already been plastered with righteous posters, this was not simply a war but a liberation

Upon hearing these words I shed a tear. It is all of our responsibility to fight in this conflict, for our brothers subjugated by the Spaniard.

Still I was worried, though Cantabria fell easily to the superiority of eUS military might I inquired if there was a chance that the devious Spaniards had any tricks up their sleeves, fearing from such an evil foe the treachery the Spaniard is well known for.

When I asked my friend Derphoof, who was fighting with hoofs of fury, he laughed raucously, his mane convulsing in good humor.

"Neigh" said he, "For the Spaniard is as pathetic as he is evil, nature itself is in conflict with the Spaniard, why, right now throughout the land the cattle and bulls have risen up against so vile a species of man."


Seen here: vengeful bulls roaming the streets

And lo, I found what he said to be the truth. Upon entering into the contested territory of the peninsula, I found not a people prepared for war, but rather an afraid people, cowering among their livestock. Rumors circled among them that their government had already surrendered that none could disprove.

I was disgusted by what I saw, rather than a true opponent I saw only lisping masses, a scourge to be removed from their lands, the stench of their own filth overpowering even that of the ill-cooked fish of their murderous toxin of choice, the gazpacho.

Worst of all, I saw the opposite of everything we American stand for. From our armchairs at home, it is little possible to understand the barbarism of thought of the Spanish people. I saw firsthand un-demokrasy and cowardice in ways that I had not imagined possible among any people in society. Bereft of both morals and strength, the Spaniard has nothing left to do but squeal and destroy. Upon seeing the truth espoused in glorious newspapers, they report to corrupt and morally-bankrupt admins to silence and conceal their own humiliation.


Double-Spaniard Admins censoring glorious American freedoms

My tour of the countryside left me dirtied yet full of conviction. We owe it not just to ourselves, nor simply to the oppressed Catalan people, but to the world, the full and thorough elimination of the Spanish plague that has cursed the Iberian continent.

Now, it has become late in Cantabria, and as sunset approached, there is a quiet that permeates the air, an inevitable sense of excitement and delicious terror that precludes the next American advancement.


Official military strategy leaked to Goodbye Blue Monday from the Deepchill administration

For now, I am signing off, as I must wash the disgusting smog off of myself and my now-dirtied clothing; truly, today, I am proud to be an American.

May Dio bless these United States and may he guide us and bring us success in this noble endeavor,

With love,

Paul Proteus,
War Correspondent and avid gardener

And, your moment of zen:


We've caught our enemy napping during one of their 23 hour daily siestas

Until next time,