[AMP] A Fresh Start and Free Tanks

Day 2,239, 19:18 Published in USA USA by SColbert

Hello AMP Nation,

I am proud to say that I have joined your patriotic party. I have left USWP not in anger, but in search of new experiences and new friends. Like the true blooded American colonists, Neil Armstrong, and the pioneers I too search for a new home and new freedoms. I take this step hoping that AMP can be like a mint to freshen my mouth after a true American meal of cheeseburgers and freedom.

As an American I search for new experiences, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. AMP has a proud tradition of patriotism, and general kickass-dom. These are great American principles I can get behind. Others when faced with boredom look abroad for excitement. Perhaps I just love America more than them, but I look inward to satisfy my own problems. So my heart goes out to those sad unpatriotic fellows. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to anyone but Jesus. Anyone else would probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity.

Now I am a fan of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. I love its message of fuck them, I got mine. But because this is a great moment in AMP history, I will be giving 5 Q7 tanks to any AMPer who comments on this article. Thank you AMP for welcoming me into your party, and I am looking forward to a freedom loving time in your party!